New idiot announces, "Shakespeare was a Jew!"

... And a girl one, at that.

It may have been 400 years since the death of William Shakespeare - but rumours circulating about the Bard's mysterious identity are as frequent as ever. 

Now one leading Shakespeare expert is claiming that the English playwright was actually a dark-haired Jewish woman, who lived in London. 

John Hudson's book, entitled Shakespeare's Dark Lady, explores the theory that Shakespeare's true identity is that of a woman named Amelia Bassano.

.oO Snip Oo.

She was therefore well-placed and had all the right knowledge skills, and contacts to have produced the canon we attribute to Shakespeare. 

Mr Hudson, who directs the innovative Shakespeare company the Dark Lady Players, based in New York, also believes that Amelia had an affair with the playwright Christopher Marlowe, writer of Doctor Faustus, and became pregnant before dying in poverty in 1645. 

One of the main reasons why he suspects Amelia wrote the plays is that many are based abroad - whereas Shakespeare was believed to have stayed in England for his entire life, The Sun reports.

Surely, the fact that many of "Shakespeare's" plays feature devils, witchies, denizens of Faerie land and suchlike supernatural entities must point to the conclusion "he" was actually a faerie warlock?

 Or (given he wrote several set in ancient Rome) they must have been written by Cicero, and just left lying about until some jobbing glover's son found them and decided to chance his luck?

And if this Bassano bird - with her alleged knowledge of foreign parts - had actually written the plays, she'd know that Bohemia has no coast line? Will manages to wreck a ship there in The Winter's Tale.

So, I'm not convinced.

It's silly to suggest someone who could make up stuff about Ancient Rome and the sexual shenanigans of the Danish royal family, and the goings on of the Faerie Court couldn't make stuff up about Italy, so he had to be a female Jew and NO-ONE realised until now.

But ... but ... the ghost of Hamlet's father says ... (wait for it) 'adieu' ... A Jew, geddit?

And Hamlet says he wishes his sullied flesh - his body - could resolve itself into ... a dew.  Or is a Jew?